|The 3-DVD Set includes:
- Development of Dissociation
- Treatment of Dissociation
- Treatment of Borderline Alters and Systems
She was screaming at Dr. Wilder would make a muleskinner blush and a punk rocker proud. Finally she stopped. “Don’t you know that when I scream at you like that I want you to come over here and comfort me?” He shook his head. “It doesn’t work very well, huh?” she answered – suddenly thoughtful.
Inherent in the problems of dissociation and the diagnosis of borderline personality is the inability to repair the things that go wrong in our emotional lives. In 1999 it was said that therapists liked their dissociative clients as much as they hated their borderlines. Wilder set out to change that. Wilder was among the first to point out that bad bonding was behind all of these symptoms. Good bonds (that is, when the relationship is more important than the problem) must form with someone with a “bigger brain” who can manage the problem and keep the less developed brain “afloat” emotionally.
A “bigger brain” does not mean academic intelligence but rather the 19 brain skills necessary for relationships. “If neither person can swim they will both drown,” says Wilder who has been a lifeguard at two different state parks in Minnesota. “But if one of you is a good swimmer you will help the other one float, breathe again and maybe even learn to swim.” Once you understand the brain skills and how they are learned the solutions are really clear.
The teaching in these three historical lectures became the basis for track III of the THRIVE program that developed in the following years. As a lifeguard Wilder realized that the best solution to drowning was teaching people to swim. He and our team developed skill-training programs for brain skills called THRIVE and Thriving. The three Bonding and Dissociation DVDs reveal just how powerful the applications behind the THRIVE and Thriving programs really are. Many people with family members with borderline personality or dissociation are very grateful for these lectures because they bring hope and understandable solutions.
The videos were made in 1999 at a mental health conference by commercial photographer Mike Bohenek, before digital cameras were affordable. The third recording had so many problems that Wilder repeated that lecture for Mike a few months later at a cable TV studio. “Mr. Bear” helped Wilder explain borderline as a bored looking group of cable technicians wandered through out of view of the camera. The recordings were converted to digital in 2006. Wilder keeps this series available because he likes the looks of hope and relief he sees on so many faces when they finally understand their mothers or themselves and find a safe road home.