Joy Blogger

By Barbara Moon

Forgiveness seems to be a much misunderstood topic but one I believe we can greatly benefit from by taking a closer look at it. This topic is one of the most vital ingredients of a good relationship, which when practiced consistently, can greatly change a relationship for the better. On the other hand when forgiveness is neglected as a daily exercise, walls of unforgiveness, mortared with bitterness, anger and hate, can negatively affect our relationships with one other and even with God. As we look here at three aspects of forgiveness, Granting Forgiveness, Receiving Forgiveness and Asking Forgiveness, we will see how these walls are built and maintained through pride, doubt and guilt. We will see the bondage and ill health that result from unforgiveness and the freedom and intimacy possible when forgiveness is a way of life. We will also see that a necessary ingredient to all three of these facets of forgiveness is the virtue of humility. Growing in humility will be a natural result of practicing forgiveness as we follow God’s patterns and instructions spoken of in the Scriptures.

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By Barbara Moon

Most conscientious parents desire to help their children grow into maturity. I would like to suggest some topics that may help parents see this issue more specifically. I will take a short compilation of ideas on maturity from my book, Handbook to Joy-Filled Parenting, a topic upon which I will be sharing at the July 2009 THRIVE conference. Maturity is a central truth of and one of my favorite topics in the Life Model. As I look at what maturity entails, its progression and its goals, it has helped me to realize that as parents we are not raising children, we are raising adults. That is our goal—to see our children become fully functioning adults. This worthy task will take daily attention and time over several years. Working on it may prevent some of the problems we see around us today.

In today’s world and even in the church, the task of growing maturity is seldom mentioned. We receive all sorts of messages screaming “how to” or “you should” but we don’t hear enough messages that shout, “Grow up!” I’m on a mission, when possible, to try to bring maturity into discussions whenever I encounter struggling relationships. The maturity I am most interested in is not Spiritual maturity but emotional maturity, the kind that helps us act like the age we are supposed to be. We all know adults who whine, blow up and/or attack when they don’t get their way. We know adults who can’t keep a job or who spend unwisely. As I mentor and counsel people and watch children in various settings I see some maturity lacks that are similar in all ages. For now I would like to tickle your thinking about four specific areas that can help parents guide their children into maturity while checking out their own behaviors concerning these skills. It’s important to keep in mind that “More is caught than taught,” and that children will learn none of these specifics unless parents are willing to give unselfishly of their time. The topics I would like to share about are: knowing how to do hard things, respecting another’s’ “no,” knowing what to do with disappointment, and knowing good repair skills when conflict arises.

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By Barbara Moon

All real relationships involve conflict and confrontation. I find that it’s difficult for many people to resolve either very well, mainly because of immaturity or unhealed issues from the past. The Life Model encourages us to work on both immaturity and unhealed issues. I believe that along with growing and healing, we can learn some skills that will help us with conflict resolution, as we stop taking the easy road after a fight. Most of us either act like nothing happened or we hold grudges and build walls. I want to suggest some skills that will help us return to joy more easily after distress and disagreements, will help us be able to “fight” more fairly, and will encourage us to “speak the truth in love” when necessary. Some of these skills can be applied to both conflict and confrontation, but for my purposes here, I will speak of them separately. I am considering that conflict can erupt at any moment for diverse reasons, while confrontation is more planned and thought out. Then during a confrontation, conflict can arise.

Both resolving conflict and confronting in love are Adult level skills involving mutual satisfaction and returning two or more to joy at the same time. Adults with earned Adult, Parent or Elder maturity can usually work through issues without a mediator, but those with Infant or Child maturity will often need a third party. In relationships where one or both people are chronologically adults but Infant or Child maturity, these principles can be modeled and taught as part of helping grow maturity. If the concepts are modeled and taught to children as they grow up, they will be on the road to perfecting them as adults.

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In the Life Model we are encouraged to live from our hearts instead of the sark. Before I knew about the Life Model, I used different words when talking about this concept. These words have helped me apply the concept. Perhaps expanding the semantics here will make it easier for others to apply this truth as well. What I learned years ago helped me not only live from my own heart, but it helped me love others unconditionally. That is the emphasis I would like to make here.

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For two weeks now I am a person you are supposed to trust. I am an ordained minister. Just 11 years ago I spent much of my time partying and going through the motions of life. I lived carefree and careless. I wasted countless hours lost in a sea of complacency. It’s difficult to grasp all that has happened in the last one-third of my life but ordination reminds me that God moves. Now that I’m official I can’t help but ponder the question, what makes a pastor trustworthy? Why do I believe I can be trusted to counsel your wife, pray with your children and have the youth group in my house?

Just like you I have read about lots of ministers that could not be trusted. I recently read an article on msnbc about the minister of a mega church in Georgia who years ago slept with his brother’s wife. The woman then became pregnant with a boy. For 34 years this boy and everyone else believed he was this man’s nephew until a DNA test revealed the boy, now a man, was his son! The son is now the minister over the congregation that formerly was led by this man. For years everyone believed the young pastor was the nephew of the former minister when, in truth, it was his son. There’s more debauchery to the story. Now I am a minister and why should you think I will be different?

Here is a glimpse of what I have been doing these past 11 years that has radically transformed my life. I have practiced the 19 character skills I also teach as part of THRIVE that let me be a better husband, son, friend, brother, uncle, counselor, pastor and one day, father. I utilize the effectiveness of the Immanuel process that is part of Skill 13 to heal past wounds. I rely on my people to address painful gaps in my maturity. I receive unbridled feedback and accountability from friends and community. I pay attention to my maturity; accomplishments, gaps, problems and all. I take advantage of the resources God has given me and use each day to grow, learn and love. There is great work to be done and much trust to be earned. I think that the right hemisphere relational skills I have learned are every bit as important to a minister’s leadership as their spiritual beliefs. Without healing and maturing, theology and gifts will not be enough to keep me from using my position of trust as a pastor for my own pleasure and power.

Chris M. Coursey

The students in my summer school classes all failed sophomore English. It’s an interesting dynamic to have 46 kids in one classroom (with 36 desks) who all got “left behind.” The class periods are 2 and 1/2 hours long, and 17 of the students in my first block are also in my second block, which only has 38 students.

We started the week with the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens and with the attached article by Richard Sagor entitled, “Lessons from Skateboarders.” (more…)