Resolving Conflict and Confrontation
Thursday, August 28th, 2008By Barbara Moon
All real relationships involve conflict and confrontation. I find that it’s difficult for many people to resolve either very well, mainly because of immaturity or unhealed issues from the past. The Life Model encourages us to work on both immaturity and unhealed issues. I believe that along with growing and healing, we can learn some skills that will help us with conflict resolution, as we stop taking the easy road after a fight. Most of us either act like nothing happened or we hold grudges and build walls. I want to suggest some skills that will help us return to joy more easily after distress and disagreements, will help us be able to “fight” more fairly, and will encourage us to “speak the truth in love” when necessary. Some of these skills can be applied to both conflict and confrontation, but for my purposes here, I will speak of them separately. I am considering that conflict can erupt at any moment for diverse reasons, while confrontation is more planned and thought out. Then during a confrontation, conflict can arise.
Both resolving conflict and confronting in love are Adult level skills involving mutual satisfaction and returning two or more to joy at the same time. Adults with earned Adult, Parent or Elder maturity can usually work through issues without a mediator, but those with Infant or Child maturity will often need a third party. In relationships where one or both people are chronologically adults but Infant or Child maturity, these principles can be modeled and taught as part of helping grow maturity. If the concepts are modeled and taught to children as they grow up, they will be on the road to perfecting them as adults.